by Christopher Paslay

The pasty white senator from New York says it’s her duty to explain white privilege to suburban white women who voted for Trump. 

Were you able to make it through all 54 seconds of the above video without vomiting all over the place?  Neither could most people.  Still, if you can’t stomach the video and still want to read what Kirsten Gillibrand says about her duty to lecture suburban white women who voted for Trump about their “white privilege,” the transcript is provided below (with analytical commentary). Enjoy.  

KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND: “I don’t believe that it’s the responsibility of Cory and Kamala to be the only voice that takes on these issues of institutional racism, systemic racism in our country.  I think as a white woman of privilege who is a U.S. senator running for president of the United States, it is also my responsibility to lift up those voices that aren’t being listened to.”

(Thank you, Kirsten, for acknowledging that you are indeed special and so much better than the rest of us.) 

KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND: “And I can talk to those white women in the suburbs that voted for Trump and explain to them what white privilege actually is.”  

(Yes Kirsten, please teach those good natured, family-oriented suburban women who voted for Trump how to see the world through the lens of skin color like you do so well.)     

KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND: “That when their son is walking down the street with a bag of M&Ms in his pocket, wearing a hoodie, his whiteness is what protects him from not being shot.”  

(Its was Skittles, not M&Ms.  Oh, and by the way: The Trayvon Martin case was over seven years ago, so you might want to Google something else to talk about.  And for the record, Martin was 17 years old, 5-11, and not only sucker-punched George Zimmerman for being a “creepy-ass-cracker,” but also pounded Zimmerman’s head off the cement, MMA style.)   

KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND: “When their child has a car that breaks down and he knocks on someone’s door for help and the door opens and the help is given, it’s his whiteness that protects him from being shot.”

(So a black person comes to my door, and I have my gun, and my response is to shoot them? What universe do you live in?)  

KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND: “That’s what white privilege in America is today.”  

(Thanks for explaining that so accurately.)

KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND: “And so my responsibility is not only to lift up those stories, but explain to communities across America, like I did in Youngstown Ohio, to a young mother, that this is all of our responsibilities, and that together, we can make our community stronger.”    

(Thank you, Kirsten, for lifting up those heartwarming stories and bringing us all together as one.  Vomit!  Puke!  Gag!)